Nonfaith
by Angevelinka
Summary: English version of 'Bezwiara' fanfiction. Everyone has their secrets and dogmas they want to hide and believe in, but we never know what really is needed to break another human. Minato Namikaze/Yondaime Kazekage, yaoi.


'Do you believe in god?'

Twitch. Yellow, bleached from evening's dim sunlight strands moved lightly over the forehead and covered aquamarine eyes. Icterine eyelashes blended with it into one irregular shape.

'...what?' he murmured. He looked like if He was looking at him from his own insides, lost and confused by the reality surrounding him. Obviously, he was once again wandering with his mind in the distant past. 'I'm sorry, I wasn't listening…'

The youth coughed and turned lightly on his seat. He was already used to such situations.

'I asked if you believed In god, master.'

Blonde looked at him for a moment without an answer.

'Yes.' he Said at last. His lips turned into nice, but bitter smile 'Yes, I believe in god.'

His glance is hard as steel. But he didn't dare to say this out loud.

#+#+#+#+#+#

For the first time he believed during one of these long, but not long enough lunch breaks. He didn't remember when exactly was that – maybe during Summer, maybe during Winter – light shining through the windows was bright enough to indicate it was an early cloudless morning. He remembered the asphyxiating heat – rays of morning sunlight, which shone through the naked glass to the insides and warmed the place like a greenhouse. Joyous chit-chatting of people who managed to wake up but didn't lose the morning pep yet surrounded him and scintillated as ribbon of sounds, making it unable to hear single word of any speaking person. Almost like threads in the band. He was just taking portion of the goopy grey slush, ugly and heavy on stomach (but wonderfully tasty), when the door to the room opened with a bang.

'Uchiha! Fugaku Uchiha!' shouted deep voice that could belong only to a boy after mutation, but not yet a man 'Are you here? Show yourself!'

He turned around looking for a source of noise. The man who spoke was bald and wasn't very different looking from typical rascals. On his forehead the head protector shone.

What an irony.

A moment had to pass for him to be able to see the sign on the steel. Village Hidden in Sand. That surprised him; the wing in which he stood belonged to the Land of Fire and no one who belonged to it tried to actually enter it. That was the unwritten rule of worldwide academy of martial arts. What's happened then?

Whispering murmurs from the windows caught his attention just as well.

'Here I am!' said arrogant voice and his owner stood up from the crowd of sitting heads. The boy was black haired and short – like many others he passed by in the corridors. He couldn't remember if he saw him before around the occasional fights, but it seemed that the bald one had something against him. Pursed lips made the already plain face lose all bits of beauty it might've held onto, fleshy nostrils flared.

'Do you have something against me, intruder?' the black-haired boy said again. The bald one snorted under his breath.

'You come at one of us, you come at all of us.'

Another batch of murmurs ran though the crowd. After a moment the shadow of the tall boy moved, showing the second smaller person.

'Was it you who wrote on the eastern Wall of northern wing 'People from Sand should bite the dust'? asked the other boy. He was surely prettier than his hairless friend – so much prettier that he was almost dandy. Even the fact he wore his forehead protector on completely tasteless cover of head that looked like bee hive didn't make his bright hair and blue eyes any less pretty. The shining cerulean pupils shone a little too mightily for him to look like an average soldier though.

'Yes, it was me!' was a brash answer of Fugaku who decided to land both of his hands on his hips 'You have something against my ideology?'

'You'd better know I do!' shouted the first of foreigners, visibly angered 'Wanna fight?'

'Bite me! I don't have to talk with you!' was shouted back at him with a smile that immediately Got applause of the people around Uchiha. Minato furrowed his brows, revered. It seemed that Uchiha was trailed by a bunch of suckers ready to lick up to all his words, so it meant that he wasn't worth his attention. Strange he hadn't noticed him before. 'If you wanna fight, get the real addressee of this letter here. Maybe then I'll dance to your tune!'

'Wear the dress then, sissy.'

Third voice surprised everyone. Nobody, even him hadn't noticed hidden In the shadows redheaded boy with the steel protector around his belt. He melted with the surroundings like ghost and looked just as ghastly.

'My, my.' he heard above his head voice of one of his teammates 'He was here all the time and I hadn't even noticed him. It's just as they say.'

'Who is that?' he asked quietly, seeing how the young Uchiha blushed, mostly with ears. He could have sworn he had seen him somewhere, even if he was more than sure he had seen all of them for the first time in his life.

'Who? This red-haired _raróg_? It's a protégé of the Third Kazekage.' muttered in answer his stout friend 'His name is Sabaku no…'

The rest of the sentence blanked into the background, unheard. Black pupils of red-haired person skimmed through the crowd with amazing easiness and stopped centrally on him. The gaze laid on him with such heaviness and such heat that for a moment he thought he got hit by a burning piece of steel, gods know from where. Almost like if he heard they were talking about him.

'Indeed, _raróg_.' he whispered quietly and turned his head slowly toward Fugaku. But even then he felt the burning gaze upon his skin. Only when the door had finally closed after called Uchiha and the trio from the Hidden Sand village, he dared to let go of a breath. He never felt so small in his life before.

'That's how a god could look at people if he existed.' he muttered.

The cashier quitted all that with a curt ask for payment. He doubted if anyone who hadn't seen such gaze could agree with him.

#+#+#+#+#+#

'Master, what is a _raróg_?'

'It's a mythical bird. Falcon to be frank.' He had already seen it In his head, a dot of a bird, sparing through big blue wind less sky 'It's said one his glance could burn you to smithereens… hadn't they taught you about it in academy?'

'We heard only about phoenix, master.'

The blond smiled dubiously and patted Obito on the head. It seemed they still had a lot to catch up to.

#+#+#+#+#+#

A lot time passe before they met again. Sure, he managed to slip to the forbidden grounds which belonged to the Land of Wind, but that was less than not enough if he wanted to meet such important people like Team Zero. Even when it came to the most known and most important person that was the leader of this team – Third Kazekage, a public person nonetheless – he saw him only twice in his whole life. When he met him for the first time, he had finally caught on why he had such constant feeling he had med the redhead somewhere before. Proud posture, called by his teammate 'like-if-he-swallowed-a-stick' was identical with how Sabaku handled himself around others. Also, the way their lips tightened was very similar – obviously, the red-head thought very high of his master. But apart from that, they were different like day and night. When he saw the red-head for the second time he had occasion to look how the student goes through complicated poses and body figures. He looked like if he was dancing more difficult version or raqs sharqi. He had a good laugh at that – something so useless could be done only by such sophisticated marionettes like pupils of Third Kazekage. He changed his mind a few years later when he had to fight with advanced version of the said dance mixed with sharp scythe and eye-damaging black fan. But then he didn't know the purpose of it and thanks to that – very soon he had forgotten about the whole incident.

When they met for the third time, he looked at the red-haired boy much closer in the shady depths of the library. He had even sat right near him by the same table, trying to start the conversation, keeping in mind one should've keep friends close but enemies closer. However, the talk didn't go very well and before he knew it, he was already mumbling something about needing to visit the restroom, while he really wanted to just get the hell out of there. Of course, he didn't come back. He blamed it on the eyes; the look they gave him was hard to bear, just as the look of a falcon that mistook his face for a prey once. Was it really that strange he didn't really want to keep close to that guy? This didn't change the fact he felt the burning gaze on his shoulders more often than he wished it to happen. He challenged him back once when they passed by each other in the halls, but that was it; secretly he wished for the guy to become bored with his lack of reaction and to leave him alone at some point. After some time – much to his relief - it actually happened; but when he finally managed to erase him from his memory at last, the redhead donned the azure gown and stepped into his life with another bang. This time to stay in it for much longer.

'Good Morning, I am the Fourth Kazekage.' he heard when as the fresh leader of Konoha he came to one of the rare kage summits 'I don't think we need to be introduced to each other.'

He smiled at those words. Steely glare had been born by him without a blink of an eye this time, though he couldn't help but let his teeth grit.

What a shame he had never listened to gossips; maybe they'd warn him of this before he fell from the cliff in his obliviousness. Head first.

#+#+#+#+#+#

'Master, what is the Fourth Kazekage's name in reality?'

'Not now, Kakashi. I'm quite tired so far.' Faint flames of stars sparkled on the sky, blinked and vanished without a trace 'Go train with the team of Ebisu.'

'I will, master.'

The blond sighed quietly and turned his eyes to the cloudy grey sky. Some things were to not be talked about. Fourth Kazekage surely wouldn't be happy if he revealed it to anyone unwanted. It was…

#+#+#+#+#+#

'Daichi. Sabaku no Daichi.' murmured the voice above his ear. Chills went down his spine. Almost like if death rose up from the grave and pinched him on the ass. 'That's what are you supposed to write on my tomb if I wouldn't come out of this alive. Understood?'

He looked at him in silence. Black eyes turned flashing with whites in the darkness, matching the grey scarf on the redhead's face the man wore almost obsessively. It was something, because part of the material was already covered with light pink shade coughed up within irregular pauses between breaths. The hole in the lungs festered at its best.

'What? Don't look at me like that. I know you've never made Any effort to check what is my name.' Rasped the redhead. _That's disappointing_ sounded clearly in the tone of his voice. 'And before you ask, yes, my parents never thought I will go anywhere high. That's why they called me 'Big Sand Hill' like quarter of other kids on our streets. I showed them off, don't you think?'

No, he didn't think so. Everyone knew that the Fourth Kazekage was a joke of fate – accidental man that happened to be in the right place in the right hour. If it wasn't for the fact the Third disappeared during one of his missions and left the village without the successor the redhead probably wouldn't even be able to look at his own office through windows. He didn't dare to say it out loud though. The redhead was becoming talkative and that meant that fever was starting to overtake his brain. This didn't sound exactly optimistic knowing that by the nearest turn an amount bigger than half of a nation from the Land of Earth wanted to get their heads. Quietly, he counted their chances on getting out alive to the safe part of the border without lose of a single limb. It came down to one in a million. Worth a try.

'I think you have chance to prove it once more.' he murmured and looked at him by his shoulder 'Two against the world, how do you like it?'

'I love you.' Was the helpless, tired answer 'Only that counts.'

Minato didn't try to take it seriously. Nothing that was uttered during the attacks of fever held any meaning.

They stepped out right into the anthill.

When at the sunrise the last enemy fell and his own poisoned and thus, paralyzed feet made him unable to move anymore, the redhead only looked at him with his steely gaze. The life saving falcon that sat down on his shattered arm bone seemed to copy it with ultimate precision.

'We did it.' He gibbered, showing the thumb up, the sign of his never-ending optimism. The redhead closed his eyes.

'Daughter.' he muttered under his nose 'I wanted to see my daughter again.'

It sounded like if he lied to himself. Minato thought about himself. Interesting, will he also have a child to miss too? The woman he married lately seemed to be a healthy girl. What was the strangest, not once he thought about that somewhere out there she is waiting for him. That thought broke cold sweat on his forehead.

'Heavenly punishment.' he thought.

#+#+#+#+#+#

'Aren't you going to bed?'

He turned around and saw the person standing in door. Under her quite grown now breasts the plump shape started to form, the sign of second trimester of pregnancy. It was barely visible though, all because of an apron that seemed to cover her all from head to toes.

'In a moment, Kushina. I have one more thing to rethink.'

Because if he didn't resolve all immediate problems now, the past would bit him hard once he would be too old to escape from it anymore.

The girl nodded and vanished from the range of his sight.

He loved Her. Really. She was pretty, smart and cooked very well, not to mention how good she was In bed. But he cheated on her.

Only once, this one single time. And what was the worst, he didn't regret it even for a moment.

#+#+#+#+#+#

'It's not my fault you're everything to me.'

Such were the words he heard right before all his marriage faithfulness he held for Kushina went down the drain. He looked up from the papers – they sat down with them since yesterday , so any overhearing was possible now – but something in the man's eyes told him that he wasn't hearing things. He felt his mouth going dry – mostly because he had never expected anything so melodramatic to come out from the lips of the Fourth Kazekage. But before he could look away, the redhead closed the distance between them, kissing him on the lips. Just like that. Without fireworks and any needless moves. They were grown up.

'Let's go back to work.' he said after a long stretching silence that happened afterwards when he didn't let himself react. Almost like if nothing has happened. The famous composure of people from the Wind country once again shone at its bright.

'No.' he bumbled, when stiff legs finally rose him from his chair. Some part of paperwork fell onto the floor. 'No.'

And when Daichi also stood up, looking thoroughly abashed and – what a weird thing to see – mortified, he lost himself.

They did it In the tight closet for all paperwork that was too clandestine to be monitored by any ANBU ward. It was probably the strangest and at the same time the most discreet place in which leaders of different countries could fall into the sin of fornication. Normal civilians would most likely give up with the first try of taking the socks off, but they weren't called ninja for nothing. And if even that wasn't enough, adrenaline and daze did the rest.

When they finally slid down the wooden wall on papers and their own clothes, he noticed with surprise that all his ideas concerning cheating were wrong. He never had it easier to do something he always thought wasn't concerning his persona at all.

'Don't blade me.' he heard near his ear, this time whispered In feverish stupor 'Don't blame me for that I cannot love you.'

Calmly, he closed overheated lips with a kiss. He also didn't like him at all.

#+#+#+#+#+#

He closed his eyes. In the darkness without light he couldn't see the closest things. Only outlines, single flash of teeth and earrings. He didn't remember how the Fourth looked naked. His palms studied the map of the scars very closely, but as the touching sense they were even more blind than his eyes. The wale he took for a big lacerated wound in the sunlight came out to be the small web of wrinkles just on the surface of skin. The bite of a mosquito behind left air however, changed into mark of very dangerous stab wound made with a thin long knife. The sense of touch had betrayed him in the dark completely.

He didn't remember the taste. He kissed, bit and brushed everything he could reach up to but Daichi smelled like wood, tasted like the wood surrounding them and even sounded like wood. The Fourth didn't let his mouth lose for a single moment during the whole intercourse if he didn't count the weak sigh at the sudden peek to the other side of orgasmic nirvana. That was really all. The only trail of permanent signs were barely visible crescents made with nails on the skin right above his elbow. Not on his back, gods forbid, this would be too suspicious. Above the elbow the scars looked like just another wound he could gain during one of his missions. Like, one of his teammates caught him a bit too tight or maybe he was bruised there by the enemy. For sure.

'Just like a real ninja.' he whispered. And then he said nothing at all. His throat tightened a little too much.

#+#+#+#+#+#

There wasn't next time. Nor there was conclusion or deduction. Never again they had spilled weird words with double meaning, never touched each other behind the backs of others, the secret trysts didn't happen. Impulse. That's what their first and last night was. Alas, the echo of it sounded once again when once, deep into the night on the dry sands he actually dared to initiate something above the brotherly wishes of 'good night'. The gaze that answered him stopped him millimeters from breaching the barriers.

'What are you doing?...' whispered dry lips, while black as coals eyes permeated his insides with fire of shame and guilt 'What do you want to do to me?...'

'And what are you doing to me?' he wanted to ask, but the words got stuck in his throat, too clammy to let them out. He saw that if now he'd stumble upon the same cliff, he wouldn't get back up. He would fall in lustful love, the emotion that would entwine their bodies but not minds. He would be responsible for their hunger for emotional stability which he wouldn't be able to fill and the yearning he wouldn't be able to satisfy – and it would be all the same for him. This would destroy their marriages, positions and future. He knew this because he knew himself. He wasn't responsible.

He retreated. And they never got back to it again.

'The son has been born In my family.' whispered on goodbye Daichi. His voice was so dry and matt that it seemed to be wooden. 'I will don him the name Kankuro.'

Go to hell along with them all. Minato didn't answer.

#+#+#+#+#+#

He fell asleep. No dreams invaded him.

#+#+#+#+#+#

Three days away, in the country of sands, the glass with murky greenish liquid fell onto the surface of the desk and splattered all over the documents laying there. Black eyes stared into endless horizon filled with countless star clusters.

'Kazekage sir... you're not in bed yet, sir?' hissed quietly voice of one guardians, shadow of his shadow 'What are you doing up so late at night, Kazekage sir?'

'I'm praying.' Was the dry, colorless answer. Some muscle twitched on the shadowed face putting the lips of the Man into sardonic smile 'For Armageddon.'

'That's not good, Kazekage sir.' Murmured the voice behind his back 'If such an important persona prays for such thing there's possibility it might happen.'

Sarcastic smile extended even wider. Red-haired man stretched and stood up from the armchair. Stars, just like on command, sparkled with cacophony of flashes.

'It won't happen.' he said, entwining hands on his back. 'God doesn't exist.'

He stopped believing in him once he saw how the only angel he knew showed him no compassion. He had been regretting that he didn't leave Fugaku alone for his whole life.

The wind blew. With a silent rustle of feathers, raróg leapt into the sky and got lost in oblivion.


End file.
